The Thai Connection

Bhaskaran was supposed to meet the so called ‘Prince’ at Beach Wines at Elliots Beach. Beach Wines (like most booze shops in Chennai) has a small room adjoining the booze shop, where drunkards usually hung out and got drunk. Bhaskaran looked at his watch, it was only 6.30, that was good. Just enough time to wolf down a couple of Thunderbolts before the Prince turned up if he ever did. So he walked up to the counter and said “Rendu thunderbolt”. The man behind the counter looked a little surprised. Here was this big fat man dressed in a woolen suit in Chennai. Bhaskaran’s attire would’nt have found him out of place in a Wall Sreet Investment bank , however at Elliot’s beach, in the peak of summer, he stuck out like a sore butt. Bhaskaran collected his beers and moved to the drinking hole. One side of the room was open to the beach. Bhaskaran felt this would be a good place to wait for the ‘Prince’ as it would afford him a good escape route in case the Prince tried to get too friendly with him. He glanced at some of the people around him. He was surprised to find a familiar face. Just as he was trying to recall who it belonged to, the owner of the face walked upto him and said “I want to fuck a priests daughter.” Then it all came back to him. It was his old friend from police academy Walter Vamshi, IPS. But he seemed really wretched in his appearance. Back at police academy Vamshi had been a real lady killer. However now he looked like a ghost of his former self. Bhaskaran could see the familiar signs of alcohol abuse, in Vamshi’s slurred speech and bloodshot eyes. He wondered what could have driven one of the most promising cadets of the batch of 2004, to this state. So he asked him
“Oye Vamshi, Great to see you after so many years, but what’s happened to you”
“Hey Bhashkaran that’sh shad shtory ra, but tell me how have you been ra. Do you have any kidshu? Are you a priesht yet? And what are YOU doing all alone at Elliot’sh, in a shady booze joint ra? Did your wife leave you?”
“Illeda vamshi. Nothing like that. The wife is fine. Between the two of us, I am actually here undercover working on my case. I am sure my disguise as an Investment Banker will help me get the information I need to solve my case”
“That sounds interesting. Any prieshtsh involved in the case anywhere? And what’s it about anyway?”
“Sex Bomb Sathya, our new Home Minister has personally asked me to solve the Farting Butt case as soon as possible.”
“I just flew in from Bang Cock, I saw the Farting Butt there too, about two weeks back. The locals told me that it was a frequent occurrence there”
“What were you doing in Thailund?”
“Some cheap fucker told me it was a Hindu country, so I went there looking for a priest’s daughter. It’s only after I landed that I realized that I should have gone to Angorwat in Cambodia.”
“So why didn’t you hop over to Cambodia”
“I ran into my old friend Jitendra in Bang Cock. He was working there as a Financial Risk Manager”
“That sounds like a boring low paying job.”
“Yeah its pretty low paying, that’s why Jitendra used to moonlight as a Transvestite Bar Dancer”
“Yuck!”
“No, you should see him fully made up, wearing Thurty Shicks D polypropylene brushtsh, with matt finish, and a red lace thong. He looks as good as any priesht’sh daughter.”
“But you say used to moonlight? I presume he saw sense and stopped”
“No, he came back to Chennai with me, ever since he heard that Ms. Ring Master had become Mayor of Singara Chennai. Anyway I am late. I’ve got to catch a flight to Madurai. There are a lot of temples there. I should be able to find atleasht one priesht who has a daughter, who will be willing to vacuum my pishtolu”
“Whatever that means, I don’t even want to know. Bye and all the best.”
Bhaskaran saw him walk away into the sunset. He pondered about how Vamshi had ruined his career in his quest for a priest’s daughter. How fetishes could destroy a man’s career.

Is it a Bird, Is it a Plane, No It is BUTTman

W

“Mommy, Mommy There is a BUTT in the air” said the 6 year old rather excitedly to her Mom’s displeasure

The people of Madras looked a rather confused lot with this weird symbol on the dark sooty sky , people could not comprehend what kind of a prankster could do this , projecting a Butt on the sky’s is not quite an everyday occurrence out here, a group of 13 year old kids were hanging on the beach , all in awe of the person who had this kind of image projected . They were discussing quite animatedly on this phenomenon,

Ravi the bright one said that this may be one of the rare atmospheric phenomenon, a rather heavy condensation of heavy pollutants and how this might be grow and be visible all over the world, he was not quite winning any believers here, parents were fuming at this Arse out there on the sky with fumes coming through the bottom, it was indeed quite perverse:
A smoking butt on the skyline is not what one wants , that too in this hyper conservative city, where mini skirts were looked down upon, the sight of this Bare bottom drove people to extremes,

The police department was flooded with complaints about this vulgar phenomenon, they were quite witless and perplexed about this strange thing, they called scientists from the Indian institute of tucknology Madras: They finally figured out that this was a kind of a smoke signal which was once used by red Indians to communicate , but to produce this kind of a massive Butt would require more than just a fire, as heated discussions were happening on how they could remove this aberration from the skies:

One man sat there with quite a smug smile on his face , he was none other than the Police commissioner Bhaskaran, who eons ago had come down from mallu land to haunt and boss over this land,
A Bit about bhaskaran, a gregarious Character, quite rotund potund and with a heart as large as his belly:
He only among all these people knew the significance of this symbol: He Knew that this strange symbol had occurred only four times as of now, one at the caves in Khajurao 20 years ago, One at Benares, the next occurrence was at Bangalore, This was the fourth time this phenomena was being observed, there was one common thread connecting these occurrences other than the emergence of this crazy butt , that was the elimination of crime, The crime rate had virtually gone down to zero in these places : there were no other clues connecting the emergence of this symbol:

Now enough has been said already about this butt:

Sir you have a call from someone who says he knows why this symbol is on air and he wants you to meet him at Beasant nagar beach at 7 tomorrow, so that he can guide you on this :; He call himself the prince of Hyderabad, and was quite particular that he meets you alone